No literal shopping

It might seem counterintuitive for someone who blogs and Instagrams about style to write about not shopping, but that is exactly what I am doing today.

Why?

Because I have a problem.

Maybe you have this problem too.

Shopping has always been something I have loved. In high school, my mom and I went to the mall pretty much every weekend. I would spend my hard earned baby sitting, and later part-time job, money on clothes and shoes.

Despite this, I somehow thought it would be a good idea in college to start working at the clothing store Express (which was super popular when I was in school from 2003-2007). I quickly ended up opening an Express credit card (with 22% interest!!!!) and when I found out we also got our discount across the entire Limited brands family, I also opened a Victoria’s Secret credit card that had the same high interest rate (these brands are no longer related to each other). Even though the limits on these cards were relatively low, they were a huge sum of money for a college student.

I was quickly drowning. But rather than deal with it in a responsible way, I took another route: more credit. I opened up an American Express student card with a ridiculously high limit for my income, along with other store cards at Target and Macy’s. The more I spent, the more stressed I got, and the more I shopped. It was an endless cycle.

My friends didn’t seem to have the same issues. Their parents supported them or they didn’t have a shopping problem the way I did. Although my parents paid for my housing and some of my tuition (the rest was scholarships, grants, and loans), I was responsible for all my other expenses.

After graduating from college, I was eventually able to pay off and close most of my credit cards, but some of that money actually came from student loans that I got once I started grad school, so the debt didn’t disappear, it just went elsewhere.

For most of my 20’s my financial life was just in shambles. I never had any money, my credit cards I did keep were always maxed out, and I chose to hide from my problems rather than deal with them. The cycle of shopping to make myself feel better continued. It was overwhelming to say the least.

In the summer of 2013, when I was 28, I moved back to my home town; actually, I moved into my parents’ house. It was disheartening after being on my own for 10 years, but I needed to figure out my life (I was going through a lot emotionally as well during this time, but that is a story for another day). My mom suggested I attend a program with her at church called Financial Peace University. The program, by Dave Ramsey, was honestly life changing. I paid off a huge amount of debt, including my car, and stopped using credit cards entirely. For the first time in my adult life, I had a savings account with more than a few dollars in it.

Let’s fast forward a bit here. From 2013 to 2016 I certainly shopped, but it was at a very, very reduced level from how I had been previously. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had some real control over my shopping habit and a budget to follow.

In November of 2016, I was hired as a part-time associate at Lilly Pulitzer, my favorite store. By then I was married, and my husband and I discussed what that would mean for my spending. I promised him that if it ever reached a point where I was out of control or was no longer making money, I would leave.

In the nearly three years that I ended up working for Lilly, I was generally able to keep my buying habits under control, but there were definitely times where I felt like I was spending too much (my last day at Lilly was September 18, 2019).

That reached a breaking point about six months before I left. Overspending was not the main reason I decided to leave Lilly, but it was certainly a contributing factor. Spending 15-20 hours a week surrounded by clothes and in the mall where other stores were also accessible, was a recipe to trigger my overspending. When I started to think about just how much money I could be saving, and how ever growing my closet was, it all became a bit too much. I felt out of control, and that is a feeling I had never wanted to feel when it came to shopping again.

Now that I have been away from Lilly for two months, I have noticed that it has become easier to not spend again. In fact, I did a no shop month with some amazing women on Instagram, and it was extremely cathartic. In the entire month of October, I only bought one dress from Target and one pair of Rothy’s when they had their limited wool release. In comparison to every other month for the last three years, I basically bought nothing.

I don’t want to continue to restrict myself to the point of not buying anything, but I do think it is important to not feel that way again. As one of my fellow Lilly girls, Michelle, says, “shopping is not a hobby.” I want to continue to travel the world. My husband and I want to remodel our bathrooms and our kitchen. We recently adopted a 1- year- old puppy and still have my 11-year- old cat. We might want to have a child. There’s so many things I want to use my money for, and over-shopping just isn’t one of them.

I still love clothes and shoes. I don’t think I will ever not love them. But I have learned that feeling out of control does not lead to happiness. I have often joked that I could wear something different every single day of the year and not repeat and still have clothes left over. That is not an exaggeration. No one person needs that much clothing.

So, if you ever want to be a part of our shopping support group on Instagram, please let me know! It has been an amazing source of comfort and support as we are all on this journey together. And know that I will not stop posting about style and how to make colorful fashion a part of your life, but I just might not always have a plethora of brand new clothing to do it with. I will focus on how to make outfits using the clothing that you do have, and yes, I will still buy new things, but it will be in a thoughtful way that allows me to keep control over my finances and life.